my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
