Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
