Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
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this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
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btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Everyone says I win the strip club
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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