I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
