I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
