WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
