he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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