every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
