so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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