i was born a porn star she said
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
