I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
