Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
