Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
