our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
