We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
