that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
