I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
