Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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