Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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