All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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