ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
