there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
