you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
