My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
