i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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