I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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