I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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