she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
