She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
BRING THE BAGELS
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
