he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
