Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
