you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize