Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
