Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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