I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
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Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
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Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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