What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
