Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
