he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
