just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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