I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
