just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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