Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
