How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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