Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
