i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
