I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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