You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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