Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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