i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
