So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
