We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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