Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
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I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
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I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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