my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize