p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
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Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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