you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
