the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
