That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
