I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
