so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
