I cockslap morals
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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