If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
