my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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